If you follow my Facebook page (and if you don’t, you should), you know that I spent all day Saturday crying and drinking while I filled out Boo’s financial aid forms. I have newfound respect for the FAFSA-only schools. Download your tax forms, answer a couple of other questions, e-sign and you’re done. Of course, only one of Boo’s colleges is a FAFSA-only school, so I got to go through the ordeal of the CSS profile — which is much more detailed and ostensibly gives colleges a broader profile of your family’s financial situation. The only problem is that even though it is WAY more detailed, the CSS doesn’t really give a full picture of a family’s financial situation. I hate to suggest more work, but here are 10 questions that aren’t on the CSS profile but should be:
1. Do you have a tent? No? You might want to think about getting one. You may need a place to stay.
2. What are your average annual expenditures for the following necessities: a) ice cream; b) Netflix; c) alcohol?
3. Seriously? You spend that much on ice cream?
4. Have you ever lost a billion dollars at a casino? (Trump family only)
5. You’re gonna have to moonlight, so what will it be? Drug mule or stripper?
6. Please describe any unique talents you may have such as the ability to spin straw into gold. Or to turn water into wine. Or counterfeit.
7. How many 6 ft. portraits of yourself have you purchased at charity auctions?
8. Are you related to the Beverly Hillbillies?
9. Say, hypothetically, that you needed to rob a bank. What would be your foolproof plan? Attach a drawing if necessary.
10. So we know this guy. Will pay top dollar for immortal souls. Goes by “Lucifer.” Any interest?