As a veteran of many — probably too many — college information sessions, I’ve come to realize that they’re all pretty much the same. Some of the fine details may differ, but generally, you’ll get a description of the curriculum, the graduation requirements, the application process, financial aid, study abroad and some vague description abou . . .
Sorry. I think nodded off for a minute there. That happened to me a lot during information sessions.
Ahem. Back to business. I can barely remember any of the information sessions Boo and I attended — with the exception of two spectacularly bad ones; one of which left me wanting to punch the pretentiousness out of the admissions officer and the other made me want to stuff a sock in the mouth of another parent. I might have actually done the sock stuffing except that it was very clear that her daughter wanted to do it way more than I did, and I hate to rob kids of their fun.
In any event, the sameness of the sessions made me ponder the questions that I would really like to hear answered during an information session. What would really be practical information and set the schools apart and give me a sense of what the school is really like? So I came up with this list of the ten questions I would really like to have answered at an information session.
Information Session Questions
1. What is your policy on responding to a panicked mother who has watched too many episodes of Dateline and whose daughter is not responding to texts? Asking for a friend.
2. Which movie most accurately reflects life on your campus: a) Animal House (party school); b) The Social Network (school full of ruthless/annoying dweebs); c) Revenge of the Nerds (speaks for itself); d) Scream 2 (for God’s sake, are you so stupid that you’re going out by yourself? There’s a serial killer on campus!); or e) Pitch Perfect (awesome a cappella battles!)?
3. Are admissions here rigged? Because I hear they’re rigged. Believe me.
4. What footwear am I most likely to find in the closet of a female identifying student: a) Birkenstocks; b) Ferragamo pumps; c) super cute flip-flops (squee!); d) hiking boots; or e) Manolos?
5. Has your marching band ever been disciplined for an obscene or offensive half time show? If yes, please describe the theme of the show.
6. Is there parking for helicopters? Again, asking for a friend.
7. Name the alumnus/alumna you are most embarrassed to admit attended your school.
8. Which academic department is led by the craziest person?
9. It’s 11:00 p.m. on a Saturday, where is my child most likely to be: a) a frat party; b) a poetry slam; c) hanging out with friends from high school; d) in the library; or e) passed out?
10. Which of these most accurately reflects the usual level of interaction between students and professors: a) my professor came to a party in my dorm room;* b) my professor and her spouse have her students over for dinner; c) office hours only; d) I’m the person in row 23; or e) what professors — I only see grad students.
*Some day I’ll tell the story of when the Mayor of Providence ended up at a party in my dorm room.
Follow me on Facebook. We have lots of fun there. Not that this isn’t fun, of course. Because it is fun. Fun, fun, fun. But TBH it’s more fun there. Because we talk.